Graduation!!!!

So this is it. This is what the past twelve years of my life have been preparing me for. And what do I have to say for myself? Heck- Freakin-YEAH!!! There will be no more stupid high school drama or anymore stupid high school daily announcements. But on a more somber side, there will be no more high school dances or fun spirited football, basketball or soccer games!!! This is such a bittersweet experience I don't even know what to do about it! I mean what will I do for the rest of my life?! Will I accomplish all the things I've hoped for or will I just be a bum for the rest of my life? Will I change the world like I have dreamed of or will I somehow cause its downfall!? There are so many possibilities and so many paths and choices that I have to make. I want to just be able to make the right ones and never have to second guess myself but that's not what life is all about. I must go through blindly in a way, not knowing what to expect and not knowing what will come. But I will go forward with a great attitude and outlook on it all because I mean how bad can it possibly get? With my luck it won't be too bad. I hope to have some fun times along the way and to accomplish all that I want to! I have some amazing friends to help me and push me along. They'll be right by me to comfort me, to knock some sense into me, and to love me always. I have no worries that they are willing to do whatever it is to assist me in my life's pursuits. I love them for it and would do the same. Thanks all of you. You know who you are. And thank you to all of those who have helped me along the way no matter how small of a thing you think you did. It's got me this far so it must've been pretty big at least to me. I love you all.

They might not need me but they might.
I'll let my head be just in sight,
For a smile as small as mine
Might be precisely their necessity.
~Emily Dickinson





This poem I must say is one of my life's mottos. I live to make other's happy. If there's anything I can do, I will. Even if it is just a simple smile or just simply being happy; it affects people's attitude. Whether this poem means to say that your small little smile can change someone's day or not, I do believe that it can. I know it has for me. I love this poem because it has brightened my day and I am so appreciative that someone would write something so beautiful for the benefit of us who live a hundred years later. Sometimes I wish I could write things so beautiful,but Iguess I'm only meant to act upon the things that are written...

You know One thing I don't understand is why boys just can't be up front about how they feel and about what they really want. Why can't they just say a simple I don't like you and I really just need to be friends? I mean do they really need to go tell one of your friends and find out that why and make it that much more complicated? I just don't understand what could possibly bring them to that. I'm the type of person who needs straight up answers; no side-stepping with me! Uh uh! no way. I just need to be told stuff and I can deal with it. It's no biggie for me to be able to suck it up and take it in and be ok with it. I just want to be told things so I'm not left in the mist thinking that I'm going the right way when everyone else knows I'm not. I mean its not fair to me when people do that. Especially people you are close to or have had some sort of relationship with. I believe that to truly be happy you must also know how the people around you feel and you must try to make them happy as well but to not put them before yourself. i guess right now I just need to worry about number one and just chill and be able to not freak out at every little thing.

My Sisters



My sisters are my best friends. My oldest one, Carrilyne, was always the one to take care of me when I was very little. She always just let me tag along with her because I was so attached to her. We are almost ten years apart so when she got older she started hanging out with her friends more and dating and I hardly ever saw her. But I still remained attached and she was always my role model. I would always tell people that my oldest sister was the coolest person ever and I was going to just like her. She has always been everyone's favorite sibling. And while I may look a lot like her, I wasn't blessed with her amazing personality. I was ''blessed'' with my sister Chelsea's temperment. I remember being with Chelsea in my later childhood days as she is closer to me in age and for that I picked up on a lot of her characteristics, like not being afriad to tell people that they're wrong, or being a book worm, or being a little smartie-pants in class. We both fought and argued so much but we were still so close. When she got married I was so devestated that she'd be leaving me. I was very happy for her but just couldn't help thinking how she'll never be coming home again. When we moved to Utah things became a little easier as we were closer, but now she has moved again and I can't help but to feel the same kind of loss again. Her husband, Rob, is going into the Border Patrol down in Arizona and so they have moved 13 or so hours away. It will be so long before I will see her, Rob, or Michaela. I have cried way too much over this and I know I should get over it and try to be happy that she can actually get her life started for real, but I can't. It's just way too hard. She definitely was one of hte best friends and now she's not gonna be here for me when I just need someone to talk to. I know I'll have Carrilyne but she has even more kids than chelsea to worry about and she's pregnant again so I don't really want to bug her with stupid stuff she doen't need to worry about.

Green


I always tell people that my favorite color is blue. And while it most definitely is one of my favorites, my favorite favorite one is actually green. There's just something about it that always makes me feel so alive and so happy. You might be thinking that of course she feels that way because green is associated with growth but i think it's something deeper, something that requires a great analyst and since the "Great Analyst" is gone to Boston, I'm out of luck. we'll just leave it at the pure reason that green looks really good on me. Oh, and that it is a very happy beautiful color.

When life gets tough, they say that the tough get going, but what happens when the tough aren't tough enough? This may appear to be a pretty analytical question that could take forever to answer, but I've recently experienced what the tough do. They roll up in a little ball and cry. I've always thought of myself as pretty tough and willing to "step up to the plate"(so to speak) maybe being on the verge of cold and cruel but this past few weeks have really made me think twice about myself. I seem to attract some crazy sort of soap opera drama all the time even though I have a very fervent hate for it, but it seems to love me. Why? I do not know but I do know that I'm not tough enough to have to try and take what I almost had to. If it hadn't been for one amazing person I wouldn't have made it. She stood up to the plate and took it all even though to herself she is not the tough type at all. I would've had to have picked between 2 of my greatest friends and people whom I love. But she bravely was not willing to see that happen and did what she thought was best. Whether or not it actually was the best is yet to be seen but it was amazing. She is a very courageous person for even trying to settle with our issues. I love her more than I can say. And even more than I can write. She will forever be ,in my heart, one of the greatest people who has ever lived. She made a very hard decision and it was for me. She put aside her owns wants to try and make me happier. Not many people have done that and Not many will I'm sure. That is why she is the greatest inspiration to me.

The Greatest of Friends





Well I guess I will write one of these things because I was admonished by a friend for not. And I might as well make the subject of this blog this "admonishing friend" just for the sake of it. And she'll probably be the only one who'll ever read this, SO....... I'm talking to you. And you obviously know who you are. I've just got to say it out loud.... why do you take all this crap from me? I am not a very good friend yet you seem to be able to see that maybe it will all be better or this girl does have some potential for something. You can see things in others that really gives them hope that they can do good things. I really can't see what you might see but you must have some amazing ability to persevere. I've got to say(once again) that you are one amazing friend and you really do make me a better person. I don't know who else who go with me on a date with a guy I am very uninterested in(OK well maybe a person who knows her date is some amazing guy). But you did it for me and I thank you profusely. I don't know if I could've made it through without you. While it was fun and all, I really did need you there to have a good time. I'm really sorry about all the mean little teasings that I said last night, but I just couldn't help it. Please tell me if I ever get too much to handle. I know I need to stop, but I don't know how. Thank you ever so much! I love you.

Purple/Pink Hair

My mother always seems to know what I'm doing even if I've told nothing about it to her. She seems to have a psychic ability that I just don't understand. I sometimes seem to think that I can stump her with my cunning and sharp wits, but it doesn't work. She always knows. It's a little scary, but amazing. This weekend I highlighted my hair pink and purple and when I called her to tell her I was going to a friends house she had the voice telling me that she knows something is up. I was a little cautious of what I told her and tried to make it seem not that obvious that I was doing something I'm sure she would've said no to, but she knew I was doing something. And it doesn't help that a friend talk to my mom and kinda slipped a little about it. I think after that, it was perfectly clear what was going on, but she still didn't say anything. I didn't see my mother until the next day when I came in to church and sat next to her on the bench and she still didn't say anything. That right there told me that she knew but didn't want to tell me. She still hasn't said anything to me about it and just talks to me like everything is still the same. This means something is coming..... I don't know what.... but what ever it is it can't be good.

Over




Well now that I don't really have to write these things , I don't know how often they will be or how analytical. But it will be weird if I just stop writing them completely. The point of these blogs I think was to get us to start thinking about the world around us and how that affects our paradigms. Writing helps us to think, to dream, to feel, and to discover. We realize that the things around us are important and do help us in some way or another to grow and to see that there are so many different ways to look at things and that everyone is different. Everyone's paradigms are unique and we need to notice that our way of thinking is not the only correct way to view things. I am actually really glad that Mr. Rich made us do these things every week even though I might not have seen it like this before. My eyes really have been opened no matter how cliche that sounds.

The ACT ( Sir Rich Read This One, Too!)



I recently got back my score of the ACT and I was actually quite surprised with my results. I did better than I thought I would but not as good as I could've done. I went into this test just thinking "Oh this is just my first time taking this, I'm just doing this to see what it's like. Don't stress over it". I think because I went into it like this I did better than if I had been really stressed and worried over it. Why does it work like this? I did better than some people who really prepared and were totally ready to take it when I most definitely didn't prepare. I think because I was telling myself not to stress I was able to calm down and really understand what I was doing. I was really calm the whole time and I really focused on reading the questions right. It really jsut helps to take things as they come a not stress. While it is very good to prepare, you don't have to tear yourself apart while doing it. Tests can be easily done if done while you are level-headed.



( I did best in the English and reading sections. Thanks Mr. Rich! I got a 28 because of that!)

Summer Creeps Quickly

Well you might be thinking, "hey, that's an oxymoron" when it actually isn't. How? Well summer as everyone knows is right around the corner. Which means that it is creeping up to us. It is coming up so quickly, but when we think of creeping we want to think of something trying to go slowly and sneakily. But it really is creeping quickly. Whether we want it to or not it is. Some of us might want it to come even quicker and some might not want it to come, but alas, it must come and relieve all the poor teachers who've had their nerves grated on constantly with no breaks for 9 months.

Favorites (Richie Read This One)

Everyone has a favorite of everything; favorite colors, foods, music, etc. Why are there so called "favorites" in this world? Does what someone thinks about something automatically make it better because one person likes it above another? Does it make a difference on the value of the object to someone else? When someone has an opinion about something they think that they are obviously right and that everyone else who has a different opinion is wrong. I don't think that in any way that what someone thinks is any more important than another's. It all depends on the way that people will look at things. Everyone will always have different likes and dislikes. If someone else likes something and someone else doesn't, oh well, everyone is entitled to their own opinions. To someone if they don't like something, that thing will automatically have a lesser value to that person when in all actuality it hasn't really changed it just depends on the way in which it is looked at. It is really actually is quite interesting how everyone will have preferences that change how they look at everyone and everything.

School Must Return

After returning from the band trip in California I can honestly say that I am so ready to go back to school. Why you ask would I want to go back to school when I could still be in Cali? Well it's truly simple really, I am tired of people and I want to come back to school to have some work to do to get away from people. I'm not tired of anyone in particular but I do just want to have some alone time with myself. I need to chill and breate deeply for once and just relax and remember that school is only for a month and a half and then summer will come and I can just do whatever for three months. I really need to also go to school to see some people. Kind of ironic, right? Yes, but I do need to see the people that I haven't seen for over a week. I need to see them to remind myself that they still are there and are my friends. While I want to get away and back to people there is also another reason: I'm deathly bored and I need something to occupy my mind or to get my mind off of other things. All I need is to have school back and I'll be just fine again.

Vacations as Energy Releasers

This week I am about to go on band tour for part of spring break and I also get to miss two days of school. I'm way excited about having a longer break then most people are, but I want to know why does everyone get so excited over vacations? They just make the school year longer; if we didn't have any our summer would start a lot sooner and be longer. Even if people know that or not they still always want a good long break. Vacations are so fun and exciting especially when you go someplace exciting like Disneyland and the beach, which the band is doing. getting away from life and school always feels so good a refreshing hopefully preparing us for another long stretch of school without a day off. Vacations usually get out pent up energy that needs to be released(typically unless you just sat around all vacation) and you will be ready to come back and work on schoolwork. The band is going to have a great time and we will all hopefully come back with some energy to survive the 6 weeks left of school.

Mean Little Games

Why do friends enjoy doing mean things to each other even if it is out love? Is it because even though they love you they just feel like funny mean things are necessary? It might in a weird way strengthen the relationship of friends, but it also will, for a moment, not make things very good between the offended and offendee. The strengthening comes from when after the deed is done the friends must apologize and forgive each other which makes friends understand each other better. This may sound cheesy and all, but the bond between them is made stronger after each time they make up and forgive. But the forgiving may not be right away, the offended person may feel like they've been greatly wronged against and could feel bitter and angry. When these feelings pass over then the forgiving can begin and the friendship is once again restored. So mean little games are really truly a good thing that needs to be in every relationship unless, of course, you are the unforgiving type.

Serendipity

I happen to be the luckiest person that I know. I don't know why but when I think everything is about to fail and turn out for the worst something happens that makes it turn out very well. While this mainly happens with school things it very often happens in other aspects of my life as well. Now during this week I thought that many things were to go wrong but as usual I just have to wait until the last moment and something good will pop up. Why am I so incredibly lucky? I think I just so happen to be the least deserving person of this luckiness because I am a horrible procrastinator, very forgetful, etc., etc. Good things just gravitate around me and I don't even know why. Even my friends will agree that things will eventually turn out for me but I probably am not as deserving of this as they might be. We have tried to figure out why me but it is one of those unexplainable things that happen to people. I have an indescribable serendipity of attracting amazing happenings. But I think the reason that I have this luck is that I am around people who used to be lucky but now it seemed to have rubbed off on me and they no longer have it anymore. This really does not sound logical in any way but it is the only reason that I can think of because it definitely is not because I am an amazing person no matter how much I wish this were true.

Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles

Last Thursday I went with Corinne to our work to see the employee preview of the new Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles movie. I thought that it was so good. I was thinking of something to blog and I remembered that I really liked the movie so I should blog something about it. So I was thought that it would be good to write about why I liked it so much. It really reminded me of the good ol' cartoons that I used to watch. I loved the cartoons and as they made it very close to that, it was even better than expected. When they make movies really close to the original it seems way better to me. The movie was also funny like the Ninja Turtles normally are, so it just captivates your attention. The graphics were also very interesting so it made it fun to just watch it even if you weren't too in to the movie. The movie is good to me because it brings flashes of nostalgia and is very intriguing to watch.

Stereotypes Suck



Why has third term been the hardest term of them all for me? I have been talking to many people and it seems that the third term has been the worst for all. I usually do really well in all of my classes but this term it hasn't been as great. I'm not doing really bad but it's just not as good as I'm used to and I didn't really seem to know why until now. I think that because before third term started I was told to expect it to be the hardest and to not do very well. So I went into it thinking that it will be and so I guess it really made that happen for me just because someone said that to me. This is what stereotyping does to the world, it makes them fail. I also think I'm not doinf as well because I have just kind of given up on the whole getting a 4.0 this term because I missed a couple days that messed me up. This whole term was just set up to fail since the beginning and I curse stereotypes for the rest of their days!!!!!!!!

TV is a Box of Problems


I see so many kids now these days that are out of control around other children. They seem to not really know how to act around people and they go crazy and are so unruly because of it. I was recently reading a book that was explaining a possible reason for the way most children act. It said that 2 year olds are on average getting at least 3 and a half hours of T.V. everyday. Those hours could have been spent in the presence of other children getting them used to interacting with others. Why will mothers allow their children to watch so much TV? It seems outrageous to me that they will do this. It could be because it's a good way to be keeping them easily occupied. But still, are the results worth it? Are all the problems that they'll have to deal with later on worth it? I really don't think so. Another reason mother could do this is simply because they don't know what TV can actually do to children. They don't realize that the simple act of sending them outside to play with other children is way more rewarding than just letting them be quiet on the couch. I think that it's sad that children must grow up like that but they really can't help that the TV is so appealing and if they are allowed to watch it constantly then they sure will. But mothers need to be aware that this really has a great effect on their children. Through laziness or ignorance, it has got to stop and children need to go out more with friends or play outside. I remember that that is how I spent my days and I really think it has helped. I just look at other kids and am grateful that my parents understood what a good thing they were doing for me.

Little Bundles of Joy, right?

I have 4 nieces. My oldest sister has three girls and my other sister has just recently had her first girl. My family was totally expecting to have at least one little boy by now with all the kids that were coming into our family. But no, we have not had a boy and aren't expected to for a long time. My brother and his wife are having they're first child and we were hoping to be a boy but when the ultra-sound came around we weren't at all surprised to find that it will be a girl. this doesn't really bug me that bad but it does seem that this is an awful lot of girls that we have. Why is my family cursed/blessed with so many girls? Besides the obvious fact that it's just how the X and Y chromosomes happened to work out there has to be some reason. I was thinking about this and then remembered that more than 75% of my cousins are male and so I guess it was time that our family start having more girls. And then I also thought about the kind of people that my family are and how we would be with boys hanging around and I realized that it would be even more hectic than it already is. The boys would be raised to be crazy adventurous people. The men in my family are all hyper-masculine so this boys would be raised with the typical I-have-to-be-tough-and-can't-cry type of attitude. While all of this is generally how lots of boys grow-up it would be to and even greater extent at my home. It is now clearly a good thing that my family is very femininely populated.